


anger

by tigerchild



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 06:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerchild/pseuds/tigerchild
Summary: "Please, come back, I'm not always like this, I promise."---Anakin is a padawan struggling with his anger disorder, and seems to lash out on everyone and everything he loves or cares about, which includes Obi-wan. Obi-wan feels overwhelmed and thinks he can't take it anymore.---





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [hurt](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/448358) by rogersbcrnes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am in the process of (finally) transferring all of my works from wattpad to here. They've been adding lots of ads, and have started rolling out a way to force people to *pay* to read stories on the platform, which I don't agree with whatsoever. So this will become my new home.

"Anakin,"

"Obi-I mean, master?"

"Why is there another hole in your wall?"

"I'm sorry master, you know I can't help it," The teenage padawan looked up from his desk.

"What was it this time?" Obi-wan asked as he took a seat.

"Kip said that I'm a freak because of my-my episodes,"

"Oh, my young padawan, when will you learn that it doesn't matter what other people think," Obi-wan tried to comfort the padawan, "Focus on your studies, do what you need to do, they will go away soon enough." Obi-wan tried to convince himself of the fact.

Anakin's so-called "episodes" had been getting worse, and more aggressive almost every time. Obi-wan worried for Anakin and almost constantly worried when Anakin was left alone. It didn't help that Anakin was more of a loner, always by himself, no one really checked in on him besides Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan looked up to see Anakin with his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do, how was he supposed to help his Padawan through something that he had never experienced or dealt with before?

"They'll never get better, you know that," Anakin mumbled. "Why do you even bother lying to me?" Anakin wiped tears from his eyes that Obi-wan hadn't noticed were there before. It had been a while since Obi-Wan had seen his padawan cry.

Obi-Wan opened his mouth as if to say something, but found himself at a loss for words.

"You know you're lying to me," Anakin's voice got harsher, "I am a freak, you just don't want to say it," Anakin's hands clenched themselves into fists.

Obi-wan watched, frozen, as Anakin stood up and began pacing from side to side through his room, with his fists at his side. He had never witnessed one of Anakin's episodes first hand before-only the aftermath of them.

"Anakin, calm down, it's going to be alright," Obi-Wan offered.

Anakin stopped pacing and turned towards the window. Obi-Wan assumed his efforts had worked, and that Anakin was cooling down. Almost immediately after Obi-wan had this thought Anakin sharply inhaled, and before Obi-wan could stop him, Anakin's hand was through the window.

Shards of glass fell to the floor as Obi-Wan leapt up, grabbing Anakin from behind and seizing his arms before he could do any more damage. Anakin collapsed into Obi-Wan's arms as tears streamed out of the boy's eyes.

The two sat on the floor of Anakin's room, the padawan sobbing into Obi-Wan's chest.

"It's alright, everything's fine, you're going to be okay, you're okay, you're okay."


	2. two

Anakin's tears eventually subsided, leaving the two sitting in a room full of silence. The only sounds that could be heard were the steady noise of Anakin's breaths and the sound of traffic coming through the window which he had broken. Obi-wan's thoughts turned to Anakin's hand, it must be damaged pretty badly.

"Anakin?" no answer. Obi-wan turned the boy towards him and noticed that he had fallen asleep. He gently picked up the padawan's arm and held his hand close, it was cut horribly. The bleeding had stopped, but there were still some very deep cuts.

The Jedi Master looked around the room for something to bandage his padawan's hand with, but couldn't see anything; he would have to pay a visit to the infirmary.

Obi-wan picked up Anakin, and set him on his bed, hoping he wouldn't wake up confused or angry. Obi-wan would have to make his trip quick.

When he made it to the infirmary, Nurse Clayton was waiting at her desk.

"How can I help you, Master Obi-wan?" she asked gently.

"It's my padawan, Anakin. He's gone and had another-uh-episode," Obi-wan tried to explain.

"Ah, I see," she replied. "What does he need this time?"

"I'm just here to get some bandages to wrap his hands." Obi-wan answered. "Wait, what do you mean by 'this time'?"

"He's come in for medical supplies quite often, bandages and whatnot," Clayton answered, reaching underneath the counter for supplies, "I've alerted the council, but I'm afraid that they'd rather him deal with his 'episodes' privately." She sighed.

"I'd known he'd been having trouble, but I never thought it was this bad," he muttered.

"Yes, I do feel quite bad for the boy, he seems as if he's had it hard," she replied. Obi-wan simply nodded.

"Well, here are the bandages, come back if you need more." Obi-wan reached for the bandages and opened his mouth to thank the nurse, but she had something more to say.

"I usually have to get permission from the council to administer any kind of depressant, but I think that the council's judgement is wrong this time," Clayton reached under the counter and set a pill bottle on the counter. "These should help Anakin with his episodes, please, try to get him to take these, before he does something irreversible to himself or to someone or something else."

"Thank you," Obi-wan said as he grabbed the pill bottle along with the bandages. He wasn't sure if the medication would work, but it was worth a try, before Anakin's episodes got really bad. The only challenge would be getting him to take the pills.

When Obi-wan got back, he was grateful for the fact that Anakin had remained asleep while he had left. He sat himself on the edge of the bed and began to wrap Anakin's wounds. The cuts were deep, but would heal soon, as long as he didn't do anything of the sort soon.

It had been a long couple of weeks for the padawan, they had been on many missions in a row. Anakin deserved some sleep, and in light of recent events, Obi-wan thought that Anakin could afford a day off of training. Maybe a couple of days off if he could get permission from the council, or not.


	3. three

Obi-wan went to go check on Anakin the next morning, the pills from the nurse hidden inside of his robe. He doubted that Anakin would even take them, but it was worth a shot.

When he reached Anakin's room, Obi-wan slowly opened the door. He expected his padawan to still be asleep, as he usually forgot to set his alarm or slept straight through it. Obi peaked his head in, and the sight he saw was not one he expected.

The room was empty. Completely empty. There was not a living, breathing, soul in the room. Well, aside from the array of succulents that sat on the window sill. They had been knocked over in the padawan's fit of rage, but he had put them back in their rightful place. Obi-wan stood in the doorway, shocked, for far too long. He had no idea what to do. Obi-wan doubted that this was Anakin's first time sneaking out, but he usually had the decency to be back by the time morning rolled around.

If Anakin had gotten himself in enough trouble to not be able to return, there was something to worry about. Couscant was not the safest place for teenagers. It still puzzled Obi-wan why this was the place decided for padawans and their masters to live and train. Sure, there was always something to do or someone to save, but it got dangerous very quickly. Obi-wan was lucky to have such a skilled apprentice.

Obi wan began to pace. What if Anakin had gotten lost? Or killed? He tried to force himself to be reasonable, but it was difficult in times of trouble.

\---

"Mace?" He shouted after the master in the hallway.

"Yes, Obi-wan?" Mace asked, turning around.

"Have you seen Anakin around the temple anytime late last night or early this morning?" Obi-wan asked. He knew that Anakin could be in real trouble, but what if he was fine and Obi-wan had gone and caused a ruckus.

"He came in just a little while ago with one of the other padawans. Elliot, I believe his name is. " Mace replied.

Obi paused. Another padawan? Anakin had never spent many time with the others.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no. I just was a little worried for Anakin. He's been having some troubles lately, so I was rash when he wasn't in his room this morning. Thanks for your help Mace." Obi-wan said, and with a bow, he was off.

He wasn't sure who Elliot's master was, but Obi was sure that he would be able to find the dorm somewhere. Most still had the original name tags on the doors. He briskly walked back to the corridor which his padawan's room was in. Reading the name tags quickly as he went, he eventually found it. Elliot Black. What a bland name. Obi-wan raised his fist to knock on the door, hoping that they had come back to the other padawan's room. He never got the chance to actually knock, before the door flew open.

"Alright, see you Elliot, I should probably get going, my master-" Anakin collided into Obi-wan mid-sentence. The padawan looked up, a puzzled look on his face.

"My master what?" Obi-wan asked with a smirk.

"Oh. Uh. He would be very worried of course because he cares about me a lot." Anakin tried to recover.

"Hilarious." Obi-wan said. "Let's get going," he finished, grabbing Anakin by the shoulder.

"Master Obi-wan, sir." Came a voice from inside the room. Obi glanced inside. In the room stood a human boy about Anakin's age, with red hair and a serious look on his face.

"Yes?" The master jedi inquired.

The young man rung his hands. "Please don't be mad at Skywalker. It was my idea to go out, and I convinced him to go with me because I was afraid. It won't happen again. I'm sorry," Elliot glanced down at the ground.

"Well," Obi-wan was not sure how to react. His padiwan had never acted this way, and he was sure none of his friends' padawans had ever acted this way. "Thank you,for...that. I would just like it if I were warned before next time."

"Of course, master. Sorry." The boy nodded.

"Who is you master again?" Obi-wan asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I, um, don't really have one..."

"What do you mean? Don't have a master?" Obi-wan asked, shocked.

"Well, I train on my own and sometimes join other masters and padawans on missions." He paused, "There was just never anyone to train me. Or, no one ever wanted to, which I don't blame them. It's kind of humiliating, honestly." Elliot responded.

"I've never heard of the council doing that as long as I have been here. You should not be embarrassed. The council must trust you an awful lot."

"Well, I suppose so. I guess I'll see you around, Master Obi wan. See you Skywalker." Elliot said with a slight smile.

"See you El!" Anakin hollered as Obi-wan dragged him away.

"I cannot believe you pulled something like that." The master said, shaking his head as they walked towards Anakin's room.

"I can't believe you." The padawan shot back .

"Excuse me?"

"You're always telling me to make friends with some of the padawans, and when I finally start to, you freak out." The boy said with a shrug. They had reached Anakin's room, but stood outside, continuing their argument.

"I didn't say to go sneak out at unreasonable times in the city-most likely at dark- without a master or somebody older!" Obi-wan said, throwing his hands in the air.

"His brother was with us, so there. There was someone older." Anakin countered. Couldn't he even understand how not being able to find Anakin worried Obi-wan?

Obi-wan sighed. "You know what I mean. I don't want you out late at night in Coruscant. Not even a word. Not a note, a call. Something would have been nice!"

"I don't understand why you're so up tight about this sort of stuff. Other padawan's get to do sneak out and their master's don't freak out!"

"Well, given some of your issues, I have reasons to be worried."

"You didn't have to bring it up." Anakin opened his room door and walked in, as Obi-wan followed.

"I wasn't trying to! I'm just trying to show you how I have reason for being so worried all of the time. I don't want you to do something that you'll regret!"

"You do think I'm a monster. You think I'm going to hurt someone." Anakin said, his face growing red.

"Ana-"

"You ever think I'm scared too? I'm terrified. I'm embarrassed. These episodes make me weak, a weakness that you saw. Something I never wanted you to see. That's why I ran off." Anakin said, his voice cracking. "I didn't want to have to face you this morning."

There was a silence in the room.

"I-" Obi-wan started.

"I'm fine," Anakin said, wiping away tears Obi-wan hadn't realized were there. "I'm fine" he repeated.

Anakin took two steps toward Obi-wan, and buried his face into the front of his robes. Obi-wan stood, frozen in his spot for a couple of seconds before he in turn wrapped his arms around his trembling padawan.

"I'm fine." Anakin choked out, his voice muffled by the fabric.

"I know." The master replied. "I know."


	4. four

"Anakin, this can't go on forever," Obi-Wan finally whispered, cutting through the silence in the room.

"What-What do you mean?" The padawan asked, pulling away and seating himself at his desk.

"The pressure you put on yourself is just unbearable, Anakin." Obi-Wan looked into the padawans eyes with sorrow in his face. "We need to find a way to help you deal with this-for your sake."

"How?" Anakin scoffed, "The council won't let me do shit about it. They just want me to be an example of why they shouldn't take padawans so late."

"Anakin, you can honestly think that? Think about all of the other padawans, or even masters."

"What about them?" Anakin rolled his eyes.

"You're so much more skilled than all of them. Even some of the masters" Obi-Wan pointed out.

Anakins eyes wandered around his room.

"Anakin, your talent, your techinqie, and dare I say it your passion make you a better Jedi than most here at the temple."

Anakin gulped.

"You're just trying to make me feel better, so I don't go off again."

Obi-Wan let out a short laugh. "I wish I were lying."

A few heartbeats of silence filled the room.

"Anakin, listen." Obi-Wan said gently.

"Oh god what now?"

Obi-Wan's eyebrows furrowed.

"Uh-I mean, what is it?"

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how his padawan would react.

 

"I know you aren't a monster. You never have been. Your emotions get the best of you sometimes, but I've found a way to help that," Obi-Wan glanced over at Anakin, gaging his reaction.

"And?" Anakin questioned, his eyes wide.

Obi-Wan reached into his pocked and pulled out the pill bottle.

"Now, I want you to listen before you react. Nurse Clayton, gave me these. All they do is help to balance your emotions. They're pretty common for people to take. It doesn't make you any different." Obi-Wan finished, rolling the pill bottle from hand to hand. He was afraid to look up at Anakin, afraid to set him off again.

"Okay," Anakin said with a shrug and a slight smirk on his face. "How many do I take?" He asked as he grabbed the pill bottle out of Obi-Wan's hands and struggled to open the lid.

"You'll take one each morning. For Christ's sake, Anakin. Push in the sides, and then twist it." Obi-wan helped with a nervous laugh. Anakin finally got the bottle open, and took out one pill, holding it up to his eyes and studying it, wondering how it worked.

"Did the council approve this?" Anakin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not necessarily," Obi-wan avoided Anakin's eyes and looked out the window.

"Oh my stars you didn't!" Anakin exclaimed jumping up.

"Didn't do what?" Obi-Wan looked up at him.

"Go against the council's wishes? Ignore them? Wow, I never would have seen this from you. You always follow the rules. Always. So what's next? Feel like some gambling? Or maybe some death sticks" Anakin looked to Obi-Wan with a gigantic smile on his face.

Obi-Wan couldn't help but laugh at the over-excited Padawan, shaking his head. "Don't act like you haven't already done all of those things. I follow rules that have a set and clear purpose. Doing our missions as asked, or bans on gambling all make sense. Barring you from help? I didn't think it made sense. "

"So I have to hide this from the council?" Anakin asked, a smirk on his face.

"And other Padawan's and Masters. I would never think them to tell on you, but we don't want anything to slip out."

"Not even Elliot? He doesn't even have a master. I'll make him promise not to tell anyone."

Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm not sure. Let me think about it for a little bit, okay?" Anakin nodded his head, seeming to understand.

"Now," Obi-Wan said, standing up. "Take that pill, and meet me for training tommorow at 7." He made his way towards the door.

"I don't get the day off?"

Obi-Wan scoffed. "You have the rest of today off, isn't that enough? I'm sure you'll be fine by tomorrow, get some rest." Obi-Wan was halfway out of the door before he remembered. "Oh, and don't forget to bring your running shoes tomorrow." And with that, Obi-wan shut the door behind him.

Obi-Wan heard Anakin's exaggerated groan through the door, and laughed to himself, making his way down the hallway to his quarters.


	5. five

"You think you can fix this? You think you can fix me with medicine that will turn me into nothing more than a machine?" Anakin hollered, his face turning a deep shade of red.

"Anakin, stop. Cool down." Within a matter of a week, Anakin's attitude had changed about the medication. Or, perhaps Anakin had forgotten to take his pill for the day. He should have been watching Anakin more closely, god knows he was irresponsible at times.

"Don't tell me what to do." Anakin's hands curled into fists. He lunged towards Obi-wan, shoving him into the wall behind him.

Obi-wan was unsure how to react. His padawan had never gotten physical with him before. He instinctively put his hands up, eyes open wide. 

"Anakin..."

There was still rage in his padawan's eyes. Soon, Obi-Wan felt something around his throat, and reached a hand up, it was most likely only his shirt collar. 

There was nothing there. 

He stared into Anakin's eyes, panic-stricken. He gulped for air, but was still unable to get any. How? Why? Were the only words going through Obi-Wan's mind.

Anakin noticed what he was doing and gasped, letting his hand fall limp at his side. Obi-Wan could breathe again, other than air, nothing else could come out of his mouth. He didn't know what to say.

"Oh my god," Anakin whispered, panic-stricken. Obi-wan finally removed his hand from his own throat; he had left it there in shock. 

"It's-it's alright. You've just forgotten to take your pills. A roller coaster of emotion doesn't do anyone any good," Obi-wan found his voice tried to somehow reassure his padawan.

"I am-I am a monster. They were right." Anakin rubbed at his eyes, looking afraid. Of himself? Of what he was capable of? Obi-wan wondered. He began to walk out of the room. 

"What...What are you doing?" Anakin asked.

"I just-I just need some space for a bit, Skywalker."

Obi-wan hadn't called Anakin his last name since the first weeks of training.


End file.
